Have you explored ur Dark side?

Recently when the day of the Rapture arrived I read a lot of comments on it 
and how every one of us is a sinner ... 
What defines a sin? And more importantly, WHO? 
I'm sure that is a debate in itself but thats not what I want to explore ... 
I want to find out is why every one of us has already been deemed a sinner ...
Is there a deep dark side to each one of us? 
That must mean then it was God's design to make us that way ... 
After all he has the copyright, right ??
Have you ever explored your Dark side? 
Wanted to do something which you know OTHERS would not approve? 
Have you thought about it, planned for it ... desired to execute it? 
Did the excitement of it thrill you no end, increase your heartbeat, 
set your pulse racing, your adrenaline pumping ...
Would you do it? 
Tell me, would you? 
Think about it !!!

~New Beginnings~

Written on Friday, October 1, 2010 at 1:31am ... a turning point in my life ... had to include this in my blog ... after all this is what got me back on my feet again ... and i'll never forget this time in my life ... 

Life is great . . . . . . . . . .

Melodious music of late !!!

"Thanks Chait for a fun evening "

Hit it off with a new friend, hope its a great beginning . .

A Scrabble partner who's beating me hollow

Don't worry, it'll be my turn tomorrow :)

Driving lessons on the ground -

No stopping me, i'll soon be zipping around

Does that stop me from flying in air?

I'm all set to take off, i'm all set to dare ...

I think my 'self' .... again i've found

Now i know, i'm gonna break new ground !!!

Reconnecting with schoolmates...we lost touch - why ?

Talk to them now as if the years have never passed by

Colleagues - friends - frenemies, with memories so fond

Hope we always share a very strong bond

How can i forget - my whole new world

Facebook, you are No.1 -   Lo! behold !!

New opportunities, new ventures .. .. ..

Hope its gonna be a really bright future

Whats the only other thing i love - that's missing?

DANCE, my salsa sessions - i'll soon be swaying!

This is what i was, am gonna be again

No looking back, no no no - no refrain!

Hey, what happened ... you may ask?

Did i finally take myself to task ??

Oh, it was all such a magical night ...

Just the feeling of being held so tight ...

At the end of the tunnel, i could only see LIGHT

My guardian angel, always shine so bright :) 

Guess my heart has a mind of its own ...

How do songs written in another lifetime still hold so true ... and what never ceases to amaze me is that the exact song to match your mood comes along at the very right moment ... echoes exactly what's on your mind and in your heart ... have you ever felt the same way? ... for me, many a times ... countless ... as if the singer/songwriter could predict my mood at that moment for me ... one such song is this one here ... coz i knew for a very very long time that "my heart has a mind of its own ..."

Listen to it and i'm sure you will love it as well especially if you have a 'someone special' you can't forget ...

Click here & Listen to my Mood song ...

I told this heart of mine our love could never be,
But then I hear your voice, and something stirs inside of me
Somehow I can't dismiss the memory of your kiss,
Guess my heart has a mind of its own 

 No matter what I do, no matter what I say
No matter how I try, I just can't turn the other way
When I'm with someone new, I always think of you,
Guess my heart has a mind of its own 

You're not in love with me, so why can't I forget?
I'm just your "used-to-be"; it's wrong, and yet...
I know forgetting you would be a hopeless thing,
For I'm a puppet and I just can't seem to break the string
I say "I'll let you go," but then my heart says "no"
Guess my heart has a mine of its own 

Guess my heart has a mind of its own

Late night conversations are usually the ones that mean the most :)

What am i waiting for ?
Night after night ... 
Why can't i sleep ?
My body wants to give in but my mind refuses to ...
What if ... if only ... i wish ...
I miss those nights ... those late night convos ... !! 
Did i just dream them up ... or were they real ?
Just a figment of my imagination?? ... are you too ??
Somehow they seemed so real to me ... i'm sure they were ...
Was it just déjà vu ? 
From another lifetime ?
Then why can i 'feel' you near me ... all the time ... 
I reach out to touch you ... but there's empty space ... 
But i can see you ... and you look right back at me ...
Your eyes haunt me ... you wink at me ...
You try to smile ... but it doesn't quite reach your eyes ... 
I hear what you're trying to tell me ...
But somehow i don't believe you ...
You reach out and flick the hair off my forehead 
You want to do more ... but you stop yourself 
Why did you do that ? I want the 'more' ...
Are you going to talk to me again ? 
I'll wait ... i'll always be waiting ... 
especially late at night ... especially on the other side ...

All And Nothing ... the story of my life as well !!

Just finished reading an 'unputdownable' book called All And Nothing by Raksha Bharadia. Fast paced, light and eager to be read right till the last page cause you want to find out how the story ends. In fact, the author is an alumni of my school and though we did not know each other back then, we connected on Facebook and that is how i came to be at the launch of the book a few days back.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/All-and-Nothing-Raksha-Bharadia/184195764940703?sk=wall
Raksha's story is about relationships and how one deals with them, its about friends, family, spouses, lovers and the ways everyone's lives are intertwined ... and its about choices, decisions that one is aware of but has to find the right time and the courage to execute them. You know the answers deep down in your heart but when you choose to admit to those realizations and what you do about them is what marks the turning point in your life !!
I have been in the 'thinking' mode for the past few months ... no, i think, years ... everything that i do as i go about the motions of life seems to be automated ... but that mind of mine ~ thoughts just take its own course ( as i have already mentioned in my previous post & hence the title of my blog) ... i am searching for answers ... to questions which are a bit 'questionable' ... was i the only one to feel like this? ...
And then i started exploring softly ... reaching out to friends ... and i realized it was mutual, they were reaching out to me too ... sometimes talking about things, being able to share your thoughts with another can be highly therapeutic ... people always come together to fulfill a particular need in the other ... there is always a requirement, a gap, a void that needs to be filled ...
While reading this book, All And Nothing, i almost felt as if i had stepped back and was looking at my own life from afar ... there were a few aspects that i could identify with, many emotions that i knew as my own ... and as i turned the pages of the book and continued to read ... i just froze!! cause i was actually reading a chapter in my own life .... and unwittingly, i had let Raksha know about this when i got a copy of her book autographed ... she gave me a knowing smile which i only understood later when i reached this point in the storyline ... i was speechless!!
Now let me tell you that i met Raksha for the very first time at her book launch and her story must have been written & headed to the publishing house much before this event took place in my life ... so does life follow fiction or fiction follow life .... or is it a circle that has no beginning, no end .... then how does one enter or escape from this 'chakravyuh' of life .... I'm sure there's no easy answer to this .... and so i shall continue searching ... rambling down the path of my own life ... trying to find a balance between fact and/or fiction ... 

Lost in my thoughts...the damn place doesn't have any signposts !

I've been dying to write for ages now (well, i'm not quite dead yet ... so i guess i still have time). Tell me, does writing a diary when you're a teen qualify you to write a blog by the time you feel you've already been there, done that. Guess i'll find out soon enough.
There are just too many thoughts in my mind ... its a mind-blowing traffic jam in there, one you will never want to encounter because you will definitely get RUN over (this is actually a pun & there's only one person in this whole wide world who will understand what i mean) ... i wonder if this is the best way to get them out of my head ie. by writing a blog ...
Remember Billy Ocean's song "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car" .... well, if only that was possible, i'd be with him now ... Oh No! Not Billy Ocean ... Goodness Gracious Me! i was talking about someone who called himself  'Arm Candy' once ... oh, i'd love to have him on my arm, be in his arms, whatever ... as long as we are together it doesn't matter ... Well, where were we now ... aah yes, my thoughts ...
Isn't it funny how a person who was once a stranger, suddenly becomes someone you can't stop thinking of ? When i told him that, he refused to believe me ... But i'm telling you, it IS possible !! And that's whats causing the hurricane in my mind ... I dont have any control over my thoughts anymore .... My thoughts are free to go anywhere but its surprising how often they head in his direction ...well, they are my thoughts ... as wild & carefree as i'd like to be ... aah yes, my thoughts ...
I keep wondering do all women ( at least women like me, in a situation similar to mine ) go through the same mid-life crisis that i feel i'm going through ... by the way, what IS a mid-life crisis and how does it qualify to be such - thats another thought, as if i didnt have enough on my mind already .... double digit years into your married life, having given up a career to look after your child (not that i was very ambitious but i'd like to believe i was doing pretty well ) and now that she has blossomed into a pretty young lady who knows her mind and also decides when she needs you and when she doesn't ... does life now have to be just that ... caught between the child and the husband ... what about the me, the person who i actually am, but who is buried six feet under (even though i'm just a bit over five feet) ... aah yes, those are exactly my thoughts ....
The what-ifs, how-coulds, if-onlys, can't-its just don't seem to stop .... i wish i could take hold of these thoughts and be able to compartmentalize them into ...   'to stay',   'to trash',   'to donate'   and maybe even   'to sell' ... why not ... after all, every other person seems to be 'selling' their thoughts in the shape of a book ... well, thank God ... that certainly is not one of the things on my mind ... but wait, yes, i could write that book, the cook book with a difference ... oh yes! i did think of that long ago when ... God Lord, now this is back in my thoughts again .... aah yes, my thoughts ....
Now you know what a Thought Riot is taking place in my mind ... it even beats the number of Egyptians who've taken to the street to protest against injustice ... I sometimes feel instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed with Caution ..."
Now you know the reason i'm lost in my thoughts ... no signposts ... no direction ... searching ... & still some more ... Hope to see more of you while i ramble around ...